Throughout my teens and twenties, I was consistently my harshest critic, convinced that unyielding self-criticism was the key to triumph - if I was being hard on myself then I was somehow shielding myself from others' criticism and judgement because I was already punishing myself with it. However, the reality proved harsher than anticipated. The more I pushed myself, the closer I edged towards burnout, feedback became an enemy, and I had a strong negative bias. Through this tumultuous journey, I discovered that success isn't born from self-flagellation but thrives in the embrace of self-compassion. I'm currently working on breaking free from the toxic cycle of tough self-love, steering towards a path of sustainable success and personal fulfilment, and I want to share what I've found with you. Join me as we explore the transformative power of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding.
Did you know, being hard on yourself can be counterproductive and detrimental to your well-being? Increasing stress levels, burnout and negative mental health are not a strong foundation for flourishing health. Here are five pieces of advice I've found to be really effective:
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing challenges. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and goes through difficult times. Instead of harsh self-criticism, practice self-compassion by acknowledging your imperfections and treating yourself with empathy. Putting into practice: Positive affirmations. "I'm only human, and I can only do my best." "I am worthy of love, respect and kindness even when I fail." "I embrace imperfections as opportunities for growth"
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to negative thoughts and challenge them with more realistic and positive perspectives. Ask yourself if your self-critical thoughts are based on facts or if they are exaggerated. Focus on the evidence that supports a more balanced and constructive view of yourself. Putting into practice: Journaling. Write down all the things you're criticising yourself with and counter them with facts, figures and - most importantly - kindness. Psychologically, we believe anything evidence-based. If we can put data behind the fact we're actually not-so-bad, whether it's experience, action, or what our loved ones think of us, it's easier to believe the positive. This is widely proven through methods such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable and realistic goals for yourself. Break larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. By setting realistic expectations, you're less likely to feel overwhelmed and more likely to experience a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate small victories along the way. Putting into practice: The GROW model. Goal setting, Reality exploration, Options consideration, and Will to take action are the key components hear. In your coaching journey, setting goals that are aligned with your reality are key.
Prioritise Self-Care: Make self-care a priority in your life. Ensure you get enough rest, engage in activities that bring you joy, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can help reduce stress and provide a better perspective on challenges. Putting into practice: this is more than bubble baths, face masks, and justifying junky food I'm afraid! Put the "harsh" energy from your inner critic into doing the "harsh" self-care work, such as deep cleaning your home, addressing finances, or having that tricky conversation with a loved one can often alleviate some of the pressure you're putting on yourself.
Learn from Mistakes: Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what went wrong, identify the lessons you can take from the experience, and use that knowledge to improve in the future. Remember that making mistakes is a natural part of being human. Putting into practice: learning to love failure. Success comes from failing a hundred times, because that's the golden opportunity to learn. Start putting more weight in the feedback from others (who you trust and respect, and would likely also take advice from) who can offer you honest and valuable perspective.
Remember that self-compassion and self-improvement go hand in hand. By treating yourself with kindness and learning from your experiences, you can break the cycle of being excessively hard on yourself and foster a more positive and supportive mindset.
Learn more about the Flourish coaching programme here, or book in a free discovery session to see if we're a good fit.
